Thursday, June 16, 2005

Bilateral Bliss

According to The Washington Post, two commercial crabbers working on the Chesapeake Bay caught a crab that is half male and half female. Actually, it's right side is female, and it's left side is male. This extremely rare crab is called a bilateral gynandromorph. Whatever.

They tried a little experiment while they still had it on the boat. They put a female crab in with it. First it tried to mate with her, then seemed to lose interest. That was obviously the male half, probably thinking more about a pizza and a six-pack than romance. The next day it ate half of her. That's what female crabs do to female rivals. No comment.

According to a crab scientist, it can probably mate with itself. That raises all kinds of interesting ideas. Interesting to me, anyway.

Think a minute. It never has to worry about finding a date when it wants to go out. It never has a convenient headache when it wants to get romantic. It loves shopping at Wal-Mart, where they have power tools and sporting goods under the same roof as cosmetics and lingerie. It can have an affair with an abalone without worrying about paying alimony.

I'm sure there must be disadvantages, though. Probably just takes compromise. Sheer panties one day, whitey-tighties the next. Old Spice on one cheek, Chanel on the other. That sort of thing. Might take a little relationship counseling, I guess.

4 Comments:

Blogger John Walter said...

Can we send this poor crab to Denmark to get an...um...shell change operation?

8:03 AM, June 16, 2005  
Blogger Tom Carter said...

I guess that would be possible, but maybe it's happy the way it is. Lots of sex and no nagging.

8:25 AM, June 16, 2005  
Blogger Amal said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOL, Does that mean this crab gets to buy as much Chanel and Louis Vuitton and her husband can't divorce her for breaking the bank?? LOOOL

11:36 PM, June 16, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, it's nature catching up with reality: the metrosexual crab is born.

No need for buying both Chanel & Old Spice... there're tons of things (try Axe, maybe?) specifically for this set.

But I must say that it adds a certain poignance--not to say Old Bay Seasoning--to the phrase "Go F yourself!"

7:20 PM, June 19, 2005  

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